Ladies, gents at the German Federal Criminal Police Office,
Dear Mr Zopf,
Yours of the ?th received & carefully read. I have a few minutes and so I improve upon this opportunity to write a thank you for informing me in your letter without (!) any date that the neoliberal Ministry of Cheap Labor, aka BMAS, had forwarded the useless Mac Book of my Tibetan daughter to you in Jan. 2017 for RISK ASSESSMENT!!! One could say it’s almost four years ago. Please pardon the poor paper, the scratchy pen, the ungraceful language. Sadly, I was at a loss to decipher all the acronyms at the top of your communication. Impressive nonetheless.
It is completely new information to me as the then Labor Minister, the hideously fucking fat damsel Andrea Nahles, never answered a word when I shipped that computer to BMAS. Instead, the Twitter account was immediately blocked.
I trust you found the computer free of any hidden explosives, anthrax, Novichok and what do I know. Also no hidden Putin contacts and illicit sexual advances towards unsuspecting women 27 years ago (#MeToo). It certainly did not escape your diligence the deliberately scratched screen and the deliberately damaged track pad.
As I had already pointed out the circumstances behind this so utterly stupidly concocted criminal and racist stunt by civil servant moron Jürgen Sonneck alias C. Paucher in a tweet and email to BMAS, any further elaboration would only seem redundant.
Unless, I would like to know from the German Federal Criminal Police Office what would be its Risk Assessment of a Nazi-style criminal civil servant with the name Jürgen Sonneck who deemed it necessary to operate under a false name with the sole intention in racist Germany to inflict harm on a family with a “migrant” (oh, you insufferable Ugly Germans with your racist terminology) offspring? Pray tell.
Allow me to conclude, I would appreciate you sending me that deliberately damaged computer. Should you need pecuniary remedy for the shipping costs, please let me know and I would be more than happy to oblige.
I do believe the Town of Munich’s (some call that thing a city) mayor, Dieter Reiter, will be eager to assess the inflicted damage on the Mac Book personally in order to get full compensation provided. To that end, may I suggest the BKA perhaps put a sticker on the Mac Book, like BKA Warranty or so, so that security alarm bells in sleepy Bavaria are not triggered when my packet arrives.
Again, thank you so much for your epistle. I apologize for all the trouble incurred.
Your obedient servant